Hey it’s the weekend and time to party. Yeah right like I party a lot. These are my sober and somber thoughts. I talked to a friend at school this morning about the trials of life. I came to a profound understanding of a lesson which few of us ever learn. The lesson was “Failure is only defeat when you stop trying”. I had to write that one down right away before I forgot it. This is true for all areas of ones life. I was applying it to school and educational achievements then later on in the day I had to apply it to my personal romantic life. You know it’s easy to give up and say, “That’s it I’m out of here” but doing so is a sign of being defeated.
I went into Brooklyn to meet the guy I’ve been telling you about he never showed up. I was feeling a little hurt I do not know why but I was. I took the train home and was thinking about it. There is another thing I learnt, “Not everyone is as consistent as you are.” When I am into someone I tend to give a lot of my energy trying to know the people I would chose to give part of myself too but a lot of times you never get that same amount of energy back. I know it is not personal that people have a lot of shit that is going in their lives and they need to handle them but is it too much to ask for someone to pay you some attention make you feel good? I guess it is. I always need time for me battle myself make at the end of the internal war I am usually left feeling a little more broken in some way but much harder in others. I know that people do not mean the things they do but when you are a person that feels everything you can not help getting a little poignant.
I just want someone nurse me sometime to be as moved by me as I am by them. In all things give thanks. It was a beautiful day and I got the chance to spend it with a wonderful person, “MYSELF”. I will keep trying to understand and open my heart. God is not like men he gives chances after chance. I will strive to be more like him and do the same. I will not stop trying because I will not be defeat”. I declare my heart whole this day. I will not being so damn sensitive. I will live in this moment because in truth that is all I have.
1 comment:
Thank you for this moment, I have felt these feelings, much like you have, and it heartings me to know someone else is/has felt the same way I have. I also spend a lot of time getting to know and understand others, and not get it in return. But I guess in a way, true love is to give back, and not want anything in return. I guess we are all still human, and want some kind of validation... feel the same energy we give out. One way or the other, I guess what ever energy u was lacking that day, I am giving to you now. I appreciate this post.
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