I sit here remembering a line from a song that Miss Nina Simone song, “I stall be released”. The song itself is powerful and the lyric oh so real. In my everyday life I struggle with the feeling for being somehow enchained. These feeling of capture come and go with regularity. I feel them clinging to my ankles weighing me down; keeping me from being all I can and could be.
Sometimes I long for my last breathe to know the feeling of being released from this body and all the cares that comes along with it. I have always been fascinated with death and what lay beyond this world truly but it is my love of laugher that keeps me here and the love for my family that sustains me. Ever since I starting blogging life have had a little more purpose I want to look in on people and it’s nice to see that I am not the only one going through shit. I also find strength in encouraging people to not give up but I also find myself feeling some what hypocritical.
Why hypocritical because I find myself many time wanting to die wanting to commit suicide. Only the thought of my mother and how she would feel if I did something like that keeps me from falling into that dark place. I surround myself with people and keep busy to avoid the pull of the chain. In a busy world I feel somewhat lonely. I find comfort in my writing or listening to music but when the music stops I have my thoughts. So I reflect on Miss Simone and I waiting for my chance my hour to be “Released”.
6 comments:
loved this one.
You are extremely courageous--and yes, not fit for this world of bullshit.
We often forget that we are all spirits having a human experience--as opposed to the other way around.
You are a sensitive spirit with strong memories of what it is like to be in an environment of unconditional Love, Acceptance and Freedom.
Earth is a big letdown in comparison!
And yet you chose to come here. You came for a purpose, but your road will be harder than most people's--because you cannot accept the bullshit. You know that this (world) is wrong.
While you are in this state, it is important for you to avoid as many blind, ignorant people as possible. People who will tell you bullshit like 'just hang in there' or 'perk up' or 'just do something to make yourself feel better'. They do not understand, nor can they. For, most people are sleepwalking.
You, unfortunately (smile) are awake.
Keep it Comin!
Everybody needs a little "Nina" in their lives!
This is not cool...
I admire your courageous honesty.
You've inspired me to confess. From time to time, I, too, have detailed suicidal thoughts, always the same. I meticulously imagine hanging myself, much like a mixed-up friend did on my 18th birthday. Ah, memory.
I've come to accept this urge as a kind of mental growing pain, with better days than ever before ahead.
In the mean time, check your seatbelt, hold on tight, and don't give up.
Easier said than done, I know---remember, I'm the Optimist.
keep the nina playing and you will make it through ....
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