Days of Yesterday

Who am I

2011-07-08T09:26:00.001-04:00

As I look back at all the old things about myself I realizes I know me and yet I don;t I hear the voices of my distant self and I ask, who am I? I have to look hard dig deeper to find me more inside. This life has been a journey so far and so much more to come.

Getting back on the Wagon

2011-02-03T20:20:00.001-05:00

Okay time to refocus and get back to work.

For you

2010-06-27T11:29:00.008-04:00

Oh we creatures that call ourselves man how complex we are. If the universe I could walk all in solemn thought I doubt I would truly understand who or what we are.
We who are driven by passions some of which carnal some of which spiritual yet most of which a combination of both.
What drives me is heavenly and what drives me is earthly. Earthy is the scent of your skin and heavenly are the words you recite to seduce me. How soft are the nectars of your lips how sweet is the nectars that drips . It drips watery molasses as your kiss me deeply to the point that I feel like you are sucking out my own very soul.
We lay between the sheets our eyes gazing and glassed overs to the heavens until we hear the sword and shield of Michael beat. The angles calls to us in our exhaustion. How quite are breathe of our mortal fresh.
Oh we creatures bonded to time, a moment, a lifetime and an eternity If I could walk the universe all in solemn thought I know that I at the end of it I will remember you.

Death To The Royal Hearts

2009-02-13T17:54:00.003-05:00

Here's a Death threat to the Royal Hearts
Just a day before loves anniversary my soul morns and spirit snaps
My eyes are filled with evil thoughts about the Hearts I’m about to kidnap.
I will grab the Ace with all my might and punch and brake his tapered face.
A feeling of zing runs through me as I track down that Heart of King.
For him I have a special death for all the heartaches and regrets.
The King I will hang out to dry like my desires
The King I will gladly set on fire.
I know you say that I am mean but with pleasure I’ll seek that Bitter Queen.
She sits as pretty as can be smelling of expensive perfumes living in luxury.
For the Queen of Hearts I use to bow now I will slaughter her like a dim-witted cow.
I watched her die then I wipe my axe I am off to find the pompous Jack.
For the Jack I’ll not relax for in him l’ll insert a million tacks.
He made so many promises to me but in end delivered nothing but misery.
With the royals gone I still feel ruthless then overhead I saw Cupid.
I throw a stone and knock him toothless; and stabbed him with his own arrows for being stupid.
All those spears you sent at me; couldn’t you have sent love with security, stability, and loyalty.
So with the death of the Royal Hearts and that chubby Cupid smiling with satisfaction all mine.
I hope you all had a Happy Valentine’s

Now

2009-02-06T20:32:00.002-05:00

The clock on the wall is only as accurate as the present moment it's in. The second pass gone the moment before and the future just one trick away. Even though I live in this moment I anticipate moments to come and sometimes I moan for the moments pass.
Time is only real in the flesh; in spirit everything has, is and will happens at the same time so that moment is eternal
I embrace the now and just the now. Yesterday or a moment pass does not exist only now. Tomorrow or an hour from now is not real only my now.
I give myself totally over to the living now, the present now, the touching now and the feeling now. I wear the now like an ever changing beautiful garment. I let time take care of time because I only have power in the present now a magical moment that exist for a brief time then it is gone.
I celebrate me and you now because a moment pass is gone and the time ahead is not promised. Will you kiss me now, hold me now, soil me now, love me now. Just promise me love always in the now. Love me like no other now. Let me enjoy this now my now.

Self-Help 101

2009-02-02T21:48:00.002-05:00

Plantations to Palaces

2009-01-20T08:40:00.002-05:00

I heard the ancestors finally drop their bags of sugarcane and cotton.
I see them walking in from a long day in the fields, fingernails dirty, hair matted and uncombed.
They whisper to one another in broken English but elegant tongue; their accents sings a song of freedom.
I see the ancestors jump and dance their uncovered scared backs sways with the rhythm of a new day.
Scars no long covered in shame but worn proudly as marks of endurance. Their endurance!
We were cast down, cracked but never broken.
I see the ancestors washing in river that flowed once with blood now with a new current that brings clean water.
The water they also drink thirstily for it taste of hope.
I see the old babies sucking on dry tits that leak with a nectar as sweet as honey. For love flows from those dust covered nipples.
I see the outhouse now vacant.
I see the backdoors only use for exits. I see the ancestors step their muddy feet in the front door.
OH; the drams beat with a joy that was only was heard in the old country, the mother country the other country that was never forgotten..
I see the plantations no longer growing cotton or sagurcane but I see seeds of hope. I see the red soil growing love. I see the ancestors picking a new future a new crop. I heard the songs of freedom carried on the winds of change over the wide open sea back to the free brothers and sisters on the other side. Who never new bondage.
They sing;
“Mama, Papa we made it safe. Its hearth not as warm as yours but we made it safe. Mama, Papa the sun did set and we lost so many children along the way but we made it safe. Mama Papa your children no long walk in chains, in shame but now we wear gold. Mama Papa we went from Plantations to Palaces, from poorpers to presidents and now we can say we have found home. Obama.

Sweat

2009-01-17T14:08:00.002-05:00

As I step over your crumpled up shirt that lies disorderly on the flood I am enticed.

I can still see the little wet stain where your armpit rested. I bend contemplatively and pick it up.

Shaking it out as if I am trying to remove some unwanted dirt from the light blue fabric ; then I get a whiff of it; your sweat.

It smells sweet and earthy its fibers have captured your entire essence. How I envy its ability to hold on to you even when I have to let you go. Hailing deeper and deeper until I think I might suffocate myself.

Your sweat tells the story of blackness, brownness, character and of grace.

Your sweat tells me you work hard.

Your sweat makes me desire you, to feel your fingertips dance across my back.

You sweat takes me from an earthy place to a place of ecstasy.

I am no longer standing in my bedroom. I am now running through the jungles.

I am being chased by a beast that wants to devour my body.

I slow my pace after awhile because I want to be devoured. I smell the syrupiness of your skin.

I feel the warmth of your breathe on my neck and my pecks rise and falls as you kiss my neck. YES!!!

I smell your sweat saltiness on my skin. I smell it in hair of my mustache.

I smell your unique God given fragrance. I smell nature pure in each sniff.

You arouse me without even touching me. I am back in my room now with that shirt so tightly held to my nose hailing all of your sweat. Then I see your underwear …

Seven poundS

2009-01-06T06:58:00.003-05:00

What would I give of myself that someone else can live? What I am willing to lose so that another may find? Where am I willing to stay so that someone else can advance? The truth is deep down inside not every much at all. We love those who loves us but is that real or it just a balance of love given and love taken? Truly we are nothing more than parasites of love. We love those that can offer us something; an unspoken barter that is life long.

What am I willing to give and expect absolutely nothing in return? Am I willing to feed the hungry in the shadows where no prising eyes see? Am I willing to offer a safe haven to a soul that is down or will I just turn away?
The truth is we/I am harden too concern with that happens of my self-important life to notice that there are more than myself that suffer far greater than me. Those who have far less than me, who sleep in the cold, who go hungry and who have no one to tell them that they are loved. Someone to say, " you matter" and " I care about you".

What am I really willing to give up and would it be worth "seven pounds"?

Seven

2009-01-06T06:58:00.001-05:00

Thanksgiving Fun!!

2008-11-28T03:56:00.003-05:00

I Waited!!!

2008-11-24T19:45:00.004-05:00

I waited

You know I stayed at that same spot;

I waited through the weather that turn from cold to hot; from new buds to leaf drop. I never wavered nor did I blink. All of you my mind did think.

You know I told everyone that you would be back. I made the house ready hoping you would clean up your act.

I did everything that I was sure you'd be please. I did everything to make you feel at ease. You know I waited for you, I never lost hope. People laughed at me saying I was on dope. I waited on you because your arms felt like home. I waited on you because your kisses were as big as a full moon.

So I stayed and I looked out my window sun high I had clear sight. I waited by that window from morning to darkest night. Every figure took on your form; every movement seemed out of the norm.

You know I waited for you in snow, sleet and rain. You know I waited for you but you never came. I went to your articles I ran them through my fingers I went through your articles your smell in them still lingered. You know I waited for you with each moment my heart soared you know I waited for you but I can't wait anymore.

Hitchhiker

2008-11-20T21:09:00.002-05:00

I stand at the side road of life, thumb up and arm extended and I wait for the love of my life to carry me away. I have taken many a rides on this highway. Sometimes I was the driver others I was the passenger. The road has never been a straight shot. There were many curves, potholes and bumps. There were times when I wanted to speed up but the drivers were too slow. There was time when I wanted a seatbelt and there was none. So here I stand by the side of the road clothes covered in the dust of life, I carry my load with a smile; thumb up and arm extended with a pleasant smile that says “pick me up”.

Open your eyes

2008-11-12T23:14:00.002-05:00

The problem with you is that you cannot see; All the things that put value in me.
Your eyes are close to all these wondrous gifts, too consumed with all life ifs.
If I am yours, if I am not, If I am loyal, if I am hot. If I’ll be true or abandon you.
If we can make it work or if you I’ll hurt.
The problem with you is that you don’t know a good thing.
Treat me like a peasant when I am a king.
How I want to hold you in younger years and hold on to you in laughter and tears.
The problem is your heart is hurt and can only be healed with something not from this earth.
I want you to know I am heaven, pleasure, success and love.
I am not earthly I am from up above.
I want be your shade when heat makes you almost done.
I want to be that thing that shields you from the sun.
Because I know that our earthly years has a number
I want to share all my seasons with you winter, spring, fall and summers.
My soul is intoned to the ticking of time's clock.
With you I want to build a future with love as our primary blocks.
I can be all you need me be.
I can be humble, aggressive, passive and sexy.
I am love, hope, peace and rest.
I am that place where there is no stress.
The problem with you is that you cannot see all life’s wonders inside of me.
Open your eyes

Purpose

2008-11-09T22:41:00.004-05:00

It is on days like this that one thinks on very simple words; words like, hope, change, faith, and purpose. For me the most important of these words is the last Purpose. I am indeed grateful to be living a time such as this; historic and a time for new beginnings. Today I reflect on purpose and with a grateful heart I say thank you President Bush. You might look at me crazy and wonder why I would say thank you. I say thank you because if it wasn’t for him we would not have Barack Obama as president elect today. Purpose is a very strange thing what may look as total disaster in truth there is purpose to rebuild. Because of the mess that President Bush has led the country into people sought hope. Not a white hope or a black hope but the right hope. That hope is for a better future.

I have thought what if President Bush had ran the country effectively and not put as in the mess we are in today. What would the outcome of election have been? So out of the failure came a success for President Obama. So I say thank you for all his shortcomings because through him we saw we could be a better people.

Purpose what an amazing word.

Compassion

2008-07-08T11:39:00.003-04:00

It doesn’t take me to tell anyone that these are hard times. All you have to do is look outside the windows or just look down at your wallet to see the effects of a not so good economy. The high price of food, oil, clothes, gas and everything else that we need just keeps going up; but our salaries stay the same. I’ve notice with all these increases that what we find a decrease in something so humane, a positive correlation and that direct correctional decrease is in our compassion for those with less than ourselves. It’s a primal instinct to survive at any cost and that cost comes often at the ultimate expense of those who are just barely hanging on as is.

The faces of the homeless which we once could distinguish from one another, we might have even known theirs name; now becomes an almost blinding blur. We get a sort of amnesia for the visage of the deprived because our own financial dilemma produces a tunnel vision of selfishness. We have a quality of life that we have grown accustom to, now with all these uncertainty and unstableness we forget about our fellow man/woman/child. How the world changes over night or in one trading day. I wonder if the architect of life shakes his/her head at the creation of man.

“These are ever changing times”, when we have the working poor. Those with two and three jobs and still having problems making ends meat. I do not understand how we spend so much energy and effort devising ways on the destructions of others whiles the people starve. What matter of beings are we? I always ponder on that question when I see the entire negative and hateful things we do as human beings.

Today I reflect of the word “Compassion”. What does that mean? To the oil producing countries that profit while children all around the world starve look closely at your hands it’s not only covered in oil but blood. To the corporate titans who put profit over people; what is bottom-line of your souls? I also ask myself what can one man do to help his fellow man. What I can do save the planet for the next generations to come.

Compassion in world that seems to be compassionless I seek souls that is welling to carry the light of change, hope and love to this dark world. One day I hope that man will wake up be what we were meant to be, “the warden of the world, the protector of the planet, the feeders of his fellow men and light in void of nothingness.”

This there anything I do to help someone else do? Ask yourself that.

I Seek

2008-05-31T11:09:00.003-04:00

Truth

I seek truth in the eyes of the youth

In the wisdom of the bold that once stood strong now are old.

Truth in the lovely folds of skin at the corner of the eyes where time shows your true age. I seek truth in the tears of love making where all emotions are real no fake where I climax and squeeze the arms of my lover. Truth.

I seek peace in the voices of men and women where no bombs are dropped or and no gun cocked. I seek peace in my quite place in the attic of my mind where I feed on the smoke of that good weed. Yeah I speck peace in the faces of the babies too innocent to lie. Honest enough to cry when they are hungry to makes faces when angry.

Peace.

I seek love deep down in my soul where the ageless spirit thirsts for a kiss of sweet lips where your heart arouses me more than your hips, your clit or your dick; where I am more wrapped up in your gentle way than your sex. I seek love in the abundance of my imperfection as you look at me you see a whole being a little broken but whole. I seek love because you heal me, you feel me, and you conceal nothing from me because you are Truth, Peace and Love.

I seek you!

Happy Birthday K.C

2008-03-24T08:19:00.003-04:00

I can not find you but I want you to know that on your birthday I am thinking about you.

Broken Castle

2008-02-04T13:38:00.000-05:00

I fade to black, to the blackness of nothingness and to the bottom of despair.

I close my eyes to find peace, I take the knife of hurt and I excavate my heart from chest.

For love I give my all for the stranger’s stares I put my pride on the line and I beg for your heart.

I give you passion like drugs, an endless high for the desire I quenched you like a wildfire.

My last love burnt the castle of my heart and rendered it to ashes,

In you I found hope, a builder of my walls, the consecrator of stability.

Lay my soul of the stones f coldness; I embrace the darkness of a broken heart.

For I am punished for a prior love and my present will not let us see the future.

I shall not beg nor shall I wept more than once.

I shall find the blue print of love once more. I shall examine it carefully.

Next time I build I shall build on solid STONE!

Step 1

2008-01-08T22:45:00.000-05:00

Today I met a really nice Turkish woman at work. Sometimes people surprise you. Well I just wrote about taking small steps and today I talked to her about them. She is a little over weight but her heart big too. A big heart goes a very long way. Anyway she wants to start working out but she spends too much time thinking about what she cannot do more than what she can. She looks at the final destination rather than looking at the step in front of her. Like most of us we only see the end and it looks so far and the idea of setting out for the journey scares us. This what I told her, “If others take 500 big steps to reach their goal that is fine for them but it might take you 1500 small steps to reach the same place. It’s not about how big the steps but making a move.” That message was for me as well,do not watch others just take one step at a time and I will get there.

Small Steps at a time

2008-01-07T06:22:00.000-05:00

So the morning comes like clockwork each day presents fresh new beginnings. It’s like the life gives you a reset button everyday do with it as you may. Sometimes we all need to hit reset and look at what we’re are doing if its good make it better but if its lacking make it good. I’ve not been doing the things I needed to do, just allowing Fate to blow me in whatever direction she decided but I started to make a change. It’s easy to ignore the problem and hope it will go away by some strange magic but it takes strength to look it in the eye and say, “Hey Move”. So today I got to bullying Fate and I told her, “Wait a minute I am the master of my destiny and the king of my success.” So step by step I am going to make it. No big steps but small steps at a time because it all adds up in the end anyway.

Wake up

2008-01-04T07:24:00.000-05:00

Time for us to come awake and stop the laws passed on fear and hate.

Do away with laws that segregate

We are divided based on faith.

We pettily fight no end in sight

While the higher up takes away our rights.

Privacy and fairness exist no more

We are label traitors for not supporting wars.

They introduce amendments so they could spy

Most things in daily briefing dressed up lies

For what was once the land of the free

Is now the land ran by conspiracy

People who dare challenge those

In the end their wife expose

Now tell me who is the terrorist here?

It is those who put us in fear.

Now we live as nervous wreaks

Afraid of anything left uncheck

We kill those that did not touch our soil

And do business with murders because of oil.

Time to wake up shake you who idly sleep

Stop believing everything told like stupid sheep

Dare to question those in power lest,

They steal your right at the eleventh hour

Wake up Black, White, Muslim, Jew

Wake up people don’t them let fear fool you.

Benazir Bhutto

2007-12-27T12:02:00.000-05:00

When will the world say this is enough? Today I awoke to the news of Mrs. Bhutto's death. I've never met the woman only know her story. I am sadden because today the evil of "men" are responsible for her death. Pakistan today should be in moaning because today is the day that a "MAJOR" voice democracy has died. I am so ashamed of the world in which I live. So violent , so cruel, so hopeless. In the name of whose God do these evil evil men do these things and go unchecked.

May what you want in life somehow come to realization in your death. Rest In Peace Benazir Bhutto. I love you but never knew you.

The Best Damn Thing

2007-12-25T10:26:00.000-05:00

I've come to realize that the best way of getting back at someone is not hurting them but success. I shall not fail. I shall win. When I win you will be calling my name. They want you to fail to be low but in the end I will be like a bird flying high.

I am a flower

2007-07-10T17:53:00.001-04:00

I am a flower. I am silent beauty full of color and life.
I am the reds of passion, the yellow of flirtation, the orange of calm and the green of envy.
I am a flower water me with wet kisses and shower me with sweet sweat and watch me bloom.
I am a flower place me in the light of your love and watch me grow towards you, see me wrap myself around you with leafs of affections; a stem of loyalty that will stand the test of time and laugh at the wind if she should try to break me.
I am flower neglect me and see my roots dry and die. See the luster in my leafs fade and replaced with speckles of resentment. I am a flower see the once colorful pedals fall to the earth and my once glorious spender reduced to a memory of my former self. I AM A FLOWER.

Instructions for Life

2007-06-10T01:23:00.000-04:00

Found this is my email dated 7/10/1999. I kept it all these years for a reason. WOW! Some powerful lessons I hope I learn them all.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE
1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Memorize your favorite poem.
3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have
or sleep all you want.
4. When you say, "I love you", mean it.
5. When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7. Believe in love at first sight.
8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams.
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
11. Don't judge people by their relatives.
12. Talk slowly but think quickly.
13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?"
14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15. Call your mom.
16. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
17. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
18. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others ;Responsibility for all your actions.
19. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
20. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
22. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

23. Spend some time alone.
24. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
25. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
26. Read more books and watch less TV.
27. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a
second time.
28. Trust in God but lock your car.
29. A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil
harmonious home.
30. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
31. Read between the lines.
32. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
33. Be gentle with the earth.
34. Pray. There's immeasurable power in it.
35. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.

36. Mind your own business.
37. Don't trust a man/woman who doesn't close his/her eyes when you kiss.
38. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
39. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.
40. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
41. Learn the rules then break some.

42. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your
need for each other.
43. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
44. Remember that your character is your destiny.
45. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon. ART TOO!

For Passion

2007-05-26T10:39:00.001-04:00

I shall sing thee a song and my words shall rise higher than the skies

I shall write you a poem and the blood of my passion shall leak on to the earth itself.

I shall cover you with love and the warm rise of my manhood shall be your pillow.

You shall find peace and comfort in the essence of my musk and strength of my arms.

I shall reward thee for seeking me out and take you to the pentacles of the heavens.

Do not be shy of my kisses my love; give yourself into the desire of your heart.

I shall spend each sunrise with the singing of your name and each sunset screaming it in ecstasy.

For you are the desire of my soul the fire that is never quenched……

Pursuit of Happiness

2007-04-07T22:24:00.000-04:00

I shall be released. That is the song of my heart the melody of my soul. It is the wind that carries the weight of the my oppression, depression and shame. I shall be release is the harmony of my ancestors dancing to the rhymes of freedom. In a world of heavy sorrow and a generation of lack I shall be released. To a father that was never know and to the little boy that lies about him on father son day I shall be released. To that child who listen to the stories of his young companions and makes up ones of his own; let him be free. Love was never lacking in my life. I may have wanted so much more but love never let me strive and in the arms of warms kisses I did rest.

What is a man who does not know his beginnings whose father left without a word or without an inkling to look back? He is a man who struggles to find his place in the world. He is the man who relied on his mother’s arms to be his breastplate and his shield. In the world of the pursuit of happiness he is the man that runs at top speed not stopping until one day his arms is wrapped around success and he never let go. I shall be released.

How I feel

2007-04-01T21:53:00.000-04:00

No need to creep
No need to cheat
The feelings deep
He's no freak
He's no wolf
But he's no sheep
Holds me tight as I sleep
Kiss my neck
He heats my sheets
Eyes lights up
My heart skip beats
He's so wholesome
Like grade A Beef

New Things

2007-03-25T22:15:00.000-04:00

Life has a way of changing and sometimes when you not looking things come your way.

Okay I met someone AYE!!!!!!!!!!! for me. Been dating now for about a month and a half. We are so different like night and day yet we get along well. I now feel like i deserve someone special just for me. We spend time together movies , going to parties together or just in the house chilling watching a movie or cuddling next to one another. I feels so natural so real. I think I really..........

Ahhhh.... we will see

Awake

2007-03-19T07:58:00.000-04:00

Time for us to come awake and stop the laws passed on fear and hate.

Do away with laws that segregate

We are divided based on faith.

We pettily fight no end in sight

While the higher up takes away our rights.

Privacy and fairness exist no more

We are label traitors for not supporting wars.

They introduce amendments so they could spy

Most things in daily briefing dressed up lies

For what was once the land of the free

Is now the land ran by conspiracy

People who dare challenge those

In the end their wife expose

Now tell me who is the terrorist here?

It is those who put us in fear.

Now we live as nervous wreaks

Afraid of anything left uncheck

We kill those that did not touch our soil

And do business with murders because of oil.

Time to wake up shake you who idly sleep

Stop believing everything told like stupid sheep

Dare to question those in power lest,

They steal your right at the eleventh hour

Wake up Black, White, Muslim, Jew

Wake up people don’t them let fear fool you.

UPGRADE

2007-02-28T18:58:00.000-05:00

UPGRADE

Damn talk about respect Beyoncé is the hottest Bitch out there. I have always had a great reverence for her artistry but it’s a whole other level now. From Houston to Destiny to Dream Girl her talent specks volume and her legend is engraved in stone. She makes the hottest videos she is indeed the New Michael Jackson. There is a new royal on the throne of entertainment and her name is Beyoncé.

So my thoughts today is all B’

Hail to the Queen.

Believe

2007-01-14T19:58:00.000-05:00

There comes a moment in life when you just have to believe in yourself. If others can do something why not you. So today I confess I believe in me and what I can do.

Happy New Year

2007-01-01T07:23:00.000-05:00

It's a New Year
New Starts
New Smarts
Opportunities for New Hearts
Enjoy the Arts
On the stage of life create some new parts.

Trust

2006-12-09T23:54:00.000-05:00

If we see deception are we not also capable of deceiving ourselves? Yes we are. Trust is something so precious and complete trust is ever more valuable. I realized that the first step in healing is confession; because confession washes the soul. I admit that my heart was not always pure in my actions and I’ve done some things that are not honorable. I’ve lied, stolen, cheated and I’ve betrayed someone’s trust but “old things have passed away behold all things have become new.”

I cannot change the pass but I can determine my future. I can set a course that does not make the same mistakes or walk the same old path. I am flesh but I am also spirit and soul; I do not have be creature driven by carnal desires. I can be a creature of inner beauty also. I am not prefect I am just like you but I see my wrongs and dare to be better. So I seek not to live the life of my old self but rather a higher path; one of Honor, Truth and Trust.

For Sean Bell

2006-11-29T09:54:00.000-05:00

Fifty shots breaks the silences of the chilly Queens, New York morning air. Shot after shot after shot a brief and an almost inaudible pause then more shots ring out. When silences finally lay claim to her domain there lay injured two and one dead. Death came on what was to be a most joyous day and there would be no rice throwing instead there would be dirt throwing; ashes to ashes dust to dust. Murder is murder whether I am civilian or an officer of the state. Murder took place on that Queens Street and Justice must stand up and do her work or she will be liken to a liar. She must stand or her blindfold will be use to strangle her by lawlessness. How long will you gun down our people whether in a warehouse and get away with it or under the cover of night and walk free. Justice must stand if not they will begin to gun us down in daylight and walk over or decaying bodies until the earth claims are remains. How old long oh Justice how long will you sleep?

Confessions

2006-11-18T22:34:00.000-05:00

How small and insignificant my world seems when I take a moment to look at the bigger picture of suffering that compiles around me. How my world is just speck in the universe of it all. We are living in a changing world where destruction is far and near at the same time. One thing that reminds is the desire to rest in a place where love is real and a place where it’s okay to feel vulnerable. Life’s big question of purpose often goes unanswered because I spend so much time on survival I forget to live. I have a strange feeling that we were not meant to spend most of time thinking about our problems but to have an attitude of praise, peace, and personal prosperity. I have come to a place where I can accept the wrongs that I have done to others. I know I am not perfect but real confession comes when once seeks forgiveness for the pass transgressions and I seek them. I also let go of all the things that would keep me in chains emotionally and allowing my wounds to heal. Life is for the living. Let me live my life in peace and happiness. At the end of my days when I am no longer confine to my flesh let me pass peaceful and if my name is to be uttered again let them utter it and smile

Just Me

2006-11-10T00:53:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I express myself in words but other times I choose to express in photo.

Watching

2006-11-07T09:58:00.000-05:00

Watching you without ever allowing my eyes to lose you.
To be continued........

Justice

2006-10-29T00:36:00.000-04:00

In my quite voice I question; is God even watching us? I ask myself does he listen to the cry of the poor, the downtrodden and the sick. Sometimes I wonder if he smiles at our calamities or mocks our efforts to reach a higher level of life. The everyday workplace is a Rat Race for most and the reward of cheese is wanting.

Cooperate giants living lavishly and wastefully; while the average Joe struggles to have, let alone enjoy a meal. Businesses invented ways to take the money they gave you in salary back in the name of mandatory deductions for things that most do not understand, need or even use. One works all ones life and at the end of days when you can not work anymore, not even a pension to retire with. They demand more of you and pay less to you. I speck as a witness to this shame and hold the powers that be accountable for their actions.

Governments imposing huge taxation on the poor and giving limited services. They sit in positions of power; snakes playing dress up pretending to be sheep while they bit and poison everything they touch. In the name of serving the people they annihilate anyone or anything that would stop the advancement of anyone’s agenda other than their own. They neglect the sufferings of their people and their neighbors. They build bombs that are capable of mass destructions with such zeal but the people starve. Peace no longer rest in their boarders just bloodshed and misery. Nations watch the killings of millions and turn a blind eye what a shame.

The Pharmaceutical companies making drugs that could help so many people; refusing to help those who can not pay for the medications. They would rather destroy excess rather than give it away. The heads of these giant companies in their pinstriped suits and well manicured hair walk around with the blood of so many people on their hands all in the name of greed. By not helping they are just as guilty of murder.

Then in my spirit I soar to the heights of heaven and I sit at the feet of God. My eyes in tears my wings wore because with such haste I flew to beseech The Almighty. He reaches down takes me in his arms while I tell him my cares. He listens and comforts me. He told me he does not sleep and he watches. He promises me justice, peace and to all whom so seeks it the same without bias. In the distance I hear the tatters of horses hooves and I hear him call the horseman’s names as he sends them forward into the earth. I am rested and my soul is full with hope because he watches and justice will be a dish serviced cold.

Rape

2006-10-09T00:00:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I wonder, what is the rape of the black community? Then I just have to go out and take a look at the services we provide for one another. We complain that we are being held back by, ‘the white man’ but far be it from the truth. The truth is rape is more internal than external. Financially we over charge and under service each other. We nickel and dime to the point that it’s bordered exploitation and in the end it results in desertion of our clients. Never seeming to learn from our mistakes we take up new ventures that result in the same end. So I purpose not to support black business just because they are black. I stall supports businesses that treat me like I am a valued customer not a number. Being black in business does not give you the right to rape my wallet. We need to purpose ourselves to be good to our community but let’s take it beyond that we should be good to anyone that takes their hard earn dollars and decides to spend a little of it was us. Wealth comes from the understanding of good people skills; knowing when to give a little and when to take. So I say stop the rape.

Content

2006-10-04T00:24:00.000-04:00

Okay I am feeling very much content right now. I am single but not lonely and I am loving it. I just dodged a psycho who wanted to date me and I am glad I saw the traits before I got myself deep into something that I would have regretted. I know what I want and more importantly what I deserve. I really need to work on saying, “not interested”
more. I always try to spare other feeling at the price of my own comfort but that is changing a little more. I just need to find that balance of saying no and not feeling bad about hurting someone’s feelings. So I am feeling contented right now I am single but I am far from being lonely.

Happy Birthday to Me

2006-09-17T01:04:00.000-04:00

AYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's my birthday. Happy Birthday to me. I love you me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Irreplaceable

2006-09-12T07:42:00.000-04:00

When God made you he made one of a kind, one so fine.

When he set the stars he had you in mind.

I think he modeled the sunrise from your smiling lips

I think he measure the heat of the sun by your kiss.

I see him standing over you clay all formed work of art

I see him taking an angel and turning him into your heart.

Because the moon governs the night

I think he set your beauty to govern daylight.

When God made you I see halting Time like an unturned page

I see him for all eternity not allowing you to age.

You are fair as light morning dew

You are as graceful as a ballerina shoe

Your steps as prefect rain drops on a windless lake

You’re all natural not a hint of fake.

When God made you he thought should you stay in heaven

It took him seven days to make the universe to make you he took eleven

He pours all his wisdom and grace into you made sweet and innocent too.

When God made you he smiled knowing his work was well done

When I saw you I knew you were below none.

Irreplaceable

I Remember

2006-09-11T08:14:00.000-04:00

On this day I remember something so unforgettable.
On this day I remember the lives lost.
On this day I speck love not war.
On this day I seek the balm of healing and the cool touch of peace.
9/11

Amazing B'Day

2006-09-06T21:50:00.000-04:00

B’Day is Craz-say!! The Album is so hot it burns my eardrum. Beyonce has evolved once again. It’s soulful and funky not your regular R&B/Pop. It’s amazing. I am tired of people hating on her she is a sweet girl who is just doing what any of us would so in here situation. She is an amazing entertainer and has proven she deserves to be where she is Number 1. We need to support each other not pull each other down. Go B! So today’s post B’Day’s DAY!!! It will debut at Number 1 for sure. “Irreplaceable” should be the next single is fresh and the melody is great.

BUY THE ALBUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm Bring Sexy Back

2006-09-01T07:20:00.000-04:00

I was feeling it. lol

Small Steps

2006-08-29T07:56:00.000-04:00

Every day I get up I take small steps knowing that I will reach my end. It’s not all about speed; it’s about patients. There is no “ Life Easy Guide” book so I take each day with small steps knowing that one day I shall reach my end.

New Cam

2006-08-20T15:55:00.000-04:00

Why not test it out here. So these myt first shots with it. Why the hell don't i put on clothes damn it. LOL

World Trade Center... "the black out"

2006-08-17T05:43:00.000-04:00

“World Trade Center”, a must see but………

So the 9/11 Marine Hero is black. The filmmakers from the beginning for the creation of the film said how they wanted to make the film as authentic as possible; well they didn’t.

The Director Oliver Stone said they even had some of the actual people from the event was there on set. How the fuck can you miss a deal that one of the main character a “hero” of sort was black.

There is no excuse of such a deliberate plot to “blackout” the movie. I loved it I saw it twice in three days. I am so disappointed that golden opportunity was missed to give a black actor a role that portrayed a positive image of a “Black Man”. This is a shame I am sadden that even in the history books they are wiping out the things we hold proud. The name of the marine that came to the aid of his fellow Americans is Jason Thomas of Columbus, Ohio. So Mr. Thomas even if they fail to recognize you I solute you and this post is in honor of a real solider, a hero, and a friend to his fellow man. My hat is off to you.

Back to Basics

2006-08-08T15:08:00.000-04:00

You have to love talent and Christina Aguilera is pure unadulterated talent of the rawest form. I’ve had the opportunity to listen to her album, “Back to Basics” and it is not just hot its “Lava”. The tracks are smoking and the girl proves she might be white but she’s got soul. The music is timeless at one point she takes you back to the 30s and in a flash you are pumping in a club in 2006. All I can say this is a must have album. I am so excited when good music comes out. There is just too much junk out there. So “Back to Basics” is my pick of the month. Plus girlfriend is looking good. To think after all the shit they said about her she is still here that is a survivor if I never seen one.

Double Standard

2006-07-31T08:55:00.000-04:00

Yeah Mel Gibson might, "might" have said something insensitive against "Jews". Which if he said it was wrong but people say insensitive things against blacks and other groups all the time and their careers are not threaten as they are now threatening Mr. Gibson. Wars are not started by Jews they are started by tyrants and bigots. Both Slavery and the Holocaust were example of lost of life. Its time we get over it and move on. As a black man as Jews we should take lessons learned and try to make the world a better place. If we do not hold all people accountable for every insensitive thing they say why should be point this out.

Lets stop the killings in the Africa and the Middle East.
Lets find a Cure to Cancer and AIDS
Lets stop world Hunger

REAL ISSUES PEOPLE, REAL ISSUES

Real Victims of War

2006-07-29T00:36:00.000-04:00

IF I CAN WISH ONE THING
AND HAVE IT COME TRUE
I'D WISH IT IN THE NORTH,WEST, SOUTH AND EAST
I'D WISH FOR PEACE!!!!

AS ICE

2006-07-24T00:07:00.000-04:00

Are we men or are we animals? We who are suppose to be at the top of intellectual chain. We who are suppose be the image of God. The image of mercy and grace yet we are turned to ice but not regular ice that leave behind water that at lease reminds us that something tangible was once there; but dry ice once we are melted it’s as if we were never existed. Today I realize that some people are ice that parade around in flesh pretending to be human. My brother called me today saying he and his family were witness to a man running over another man, killing him. I was horrified so the next question was, “what did you do?” His answer, “Well I canceled my order at the drive through and left”. No call to the police or to check if the might still have a sign of life. Nothing he left. It is moments like this that makes me loose hope in the children of men. So today I am sad, sad that another human being would leave another to just die. What selfish and ungodly creatures are we! I also thank God and ask him let this heart always be of flesh; may compassion always flow through my veins and may I always be mindful that we might be strangers but we are still brothers.

Mideast Shame

2006-07-18T16:06:00.000-04:00

It’s not about right or wrong it’s about peace. I’ve never seen such disrespect for life on both side of this Mideast Crisis. I am sadden by the escalating lost of life and livelihood of so many innocent people. While the UN drags it feet, as always; the people of Lebanon and Israel die without cause. Why is it so hard for the leaders of these nations to just sit and talk before they bomb each other and take innocent lives of the common people? What is worse is how our leaders view this disaster as another chance to boost their own political agendas. To your Shame Leaders of Lebanon for allowing tyrants to live in your lands; To your shame Israel for being too quick to the sword and slow to mercy and to your shame humankind for being asleep while innocent people die not just in the middle east but around the world.

Peace

2006-07-11T09:23:00.000-04:00

To heal I need to forget the things of the past

I accept my wrong doing and the wrong doing of others

I am not perfection and perfection does not reside on earth

So I accept the faults in others as well as myself.

I am not an instrument of pain and of doom.

I will not be used as an avenue of hate.

I will be a street of love dare to walk on me.

And may this street carry you to an ocean of peace.

Stone.

Dear Unequally Yoked

2006-07-01T02:47:00.000-04:00

Dear unequally yoke friend I shall untie thee

Set you free from the affections of my heart

For you are consumed with your own insecurity and wantings

I shall and will not be a pawn in your quest to find yourself.

Your lover might have abandon thee but I reminded a pillar unto you.

So I shake the memories of yesterday into a basket of wasted dreams

Into the sea of forgetfulness I throw everything that was once chained to you.

Dear unequally yoked friend you take loyalty as treachery

You abuse me

I am but a thing you use when it’s convenient to you.

Dear unequally yoked friend I shall not tell the whispers that linger behind your back.

I shall melt into the crown of strangers

And speak your name no more

Dear unequally yoke……………

See already forgotten.

Hot Confession

2006-06-20T00:14:00.000-04:00

All I can say is pray much for me. Summer is coming and in a way I dread it. I will make a

confession the heat makes me so very “HORNY”. It ever fails the minute the weather heats up I

am like a cat in heat. Something about the warm weather that makes my libido spike. I mean in

the colder weather I am cool not even really think about it that much but as soon as the starts

hitting the 90’s I am a walking erection. Today was and yesterday were days like that. I cannot

explain why I get that way all I know is that when it gets hot so do I. I went to the gym to tire

out myself but that only lasted until I took a nap then those feeling came right back. Its funny I

never thought I would actually tell anyone that. lol So if you see me do not proposition me I am

weak and you should not take advantage of me. It’s off to bed

Random Thoughts

2006-06-19T05:16:00.000-04:00

It’s not even summer yet and it’s already hot. I find myself not being able to sleep at night on the days I do not have to work nights. It is funny how the body adjusts itself. I am turning into a nocturnal beast. I got a new video game system the Xbox 360 so it is becoming more interesting to just stay at home and play video games and hitting the gym. I was just watching some previews of the videogames that are going to come out at the end of the year. It’s going to be a very exciting year in gaming this year for sure. PS3 is I have to admit is looking hot with the new titles they are lining up for the new system. Just as I expected they are going to try and give Xbox 360 a run for their money but Microsoft will show in the end why they are such a Juggernaut in the gaming world now.

So much have been going on with me I have moved from my old apartment which I was there for almost 6 years. You know the more things change the more they remain the same. That is life the only constant is change and you count on that one. I have not moved far so it’s not all that bad. It’s just around the corner. I wanted to find someplace around here cause I know the area very well and it just a good fit for me and I did. Just that there are so many memories in that place but sometimes we have to leave our old ghost behind so we can grow into the new being that we are. So it’s 5 am and I am already up. Anyway it’s a jump start on the day I guess we will see what new and interesting thing is destined for me today.

Lazy day

2006-06-13T20:02:00.000-04:00

It was just a lazy day. I stayed in bed worked A DVD ate and sleep. It was a day for me. I went around the corner caught a movie, "Xmen Last Stand. I've been working a lot and not really taking time for me. I am recharge and ready to face another week.

Windows to Soul

2006-06-10T10:43:00.000-04:00

If the eyes are the window to the soul; I wonder if you look in my eyes if you would see my being?

Sometimes I Cry

2006-06-09T19:04:00.000-04:00

It's June

2006-06-05T02:01:00.000-04:00

Wow June is already here and my life is always in a state of change. Change can be so good. Today I spent some time with a friend of mine from Jamaica David. It was nice to just lie around trading stories from our homelands, playing Videogames and eating. He is such a good natured person, sweet, and very funny. So everything is great. I moved from my old apartment. It is still a big adjustment for me but I will make this new place home. Got a text today from a ghost from the pass it took me by surprise but that is life. David took this picture of me. Anyway my blog I promise to show you more love and language more often.

Been here 1 YEAR!!

2006-05-23T00:58:00.000-04:00

Happy Anniversary to me I’ve been blogging for 1 Year!!!!!!!!. I look forward to sharing more of my thoughts with the blog world.

Today

2006-05-22T22:27:00.000-04:00

Today time came to visit. He wore a green baseball cap with a darker green pants and a flannel shirt. His hair was gray and he carried a wooden cane.

Time looked tired, so much so he waited patiently on death.

His body wrinkly wet like he sat in waters for a lifetime.

Today time rocked back and forth to tired to hold himself steady anxious for his date with death.

Today time sat chewing a stick of gum for what seemed to be an eternity. I met Time today.

What's Cooking?

2006-05-13T00:48:00.000-04:00

Yeah I am feeling me a little. Damn I can not wait for someone special to feel me little. too.

Getting there

2006-05-11T00:09:00.000-04:00

Yes I am still on that diet.

Desire

2006-05-06T12:27:00.000-04:00

My heart lies for thee

My soul sings with melody

When I am near so sweet seem the air

In a moment I loose all clears

Why does my lips so quivers?

Why with your touch my body shivers?

In your arms the warmth of summer’s day

In your arms my demon held away

Why does your smell invokes these feelings?

Why do your kisses take this body to the ceilings?

All I know that my days are done if your love I have not won.

Drama

2006-04-30T18:28:00.000-04:00

Drama is something that doesn’t need looking for it sometimes comes looking for you. Today drama came a knocking on my door. Last year I had a conversation with the love interest of one of my closest friends. It was a conversation to clear the air. We both were experiencing a mutual attraction for one another but he was involved with my friend. We cleared the air about the whole situation and never spoke to each other again. I respected that he was with my friend and we are adults and adults talk about things rather than pretend they are not there like children. This was last year; it’s the New Year and my friend and the love interest has broken up it had nothing to do with me in fact I hadn’t spoke to both of them in forever. I get a call my friend is calling me everything but my name and I didn’t even do anything with the boy. I feel no regret for the conversation it was meant to clear the air not get my fuck on with the boy. I just can not believe over 6 months later and their relationship over; no fault of mine that I get a call like that. I do not give a flying fuck I didn’t nothing wrong. Drama

Double Standards

2006-04-24T22:48:00.000-04:00

Being a man of color I have to work twice as hard to get to the same place of my white counterparts. At work there is such a double standard when it comes to what is expected from the white employee and the black ones. People want you to say it does not exist but I will not tell that lie, it is there. I understand the struggle of my people since I hit the real work world. God knows I am not racist at all I’ve dated almost most everything. LOL But I’ve seen a whole new side in the way white people still treat back people. On the job we have to fight to just keep our place. So I understand what my others before me went through.

New Life

2006-04-18T20:47:00.000-04:00

Then came baby; I just got some wonderful news. A very good friend of my mine and his wife just called me, they are having a baby. AYE!!! Miguel and Sandra have been married for over a year now and are a wonderful couple. Sandra is a little older than him and has no children but Miguel has two from a past relationship. He is a really good guy and a good dad too. Sandra is an amazingly loving and giving woman now they both have something they can call, “their” own. I am so happy. So this thought is dedicated to the new life that is growing inside of her. We all wait for your arrival little one and know that you will be born to loving people who will love you without end.

Disclaimer

2006-04-13T22:22:00.000-04:00

It’s a grave misconception that because someone is gay that they should support any and everything that is gay. I have my own personal opinions on the matter. I do believe in basic equal rights of any human being whether gay or straight should be mandatory for everyone. I do have a personal opinion about transsexuality. I believe we are born who we are I do not believe this trap in the wrong body stuff. I think its mental problem. On that note I would not isolate or make these people feel unwanted. I respect everyone but I do not respect everyone’s choices; then again it is their choice. Not everything that is gay means or what they think is a sexuality issue that I am obligated to support them. So I stand by my comment, “I believe in a man and a woman nothing in between”. People need to just accept themselves and not try to change their body to fit something that is obviously a psychological problem. I want to say I have no hatred for these people who need help in my opinion. This is just my view on the matter. Finally, I make no apologies for my position and I respect the positions for my other Blogging family.

Stinky

2006-04-11T17:08:00.000-04:00

Have mercy!!!! Man I love working out but there are times I wish I was else where. Today was one of those days. I mean at the first I was so happy to get there and to see all the sexy bodies that where moving around all hot and sweat yummy! LOL Okay then a dude came in and it was like a skunk had just been unleashed in the place. I mean damn I can understand a little working out and maybe working up a little sweat but you can not come to the gym already stinky that is just a no no. I was doing my best to avoid him what ever section of the gym he was in but the smell just traveled. To make it worse he came over a few times to talk to and honestly his smell made me deaf I was just saying, “yeah, oh really” anything to make the conversation go on as quickly as possible. Then I wonder do people know they smell really bad or do they even care? Some people think, “it’s a gym people are suppose to smell a little”, but that is far from the truth. There is a difference between musk and funk it’s a slim line but there is a difference. I think I need to write a notice on the event board and it would read; “Dear members we do appreciate your business first and foremost. We would greatly appreciate if members took a shower or a bath of some kind and wear deodorant before coming to workout. Any members found smelling foul will be expelled immediately and will not be allowed back into the gym until there are cleared by the found desk manager. Thank you again for your business and enjoy your workout."

Self-Check

2006-04-06T19:31:00.000-04:00

To be purified I have to accept that there are things that are dirty and in need of cleaning. It’s spring time and there is a need to do some spring cleaning. For the last few days I’ve been in a gray place emotionally not sad but in the border of being depressed. Why? Because I have allowed myself to be too open for someone. The heart is a funny instrument it is not ruled my logic it is governed by emotions. I’ve found my self not being logically but emotional and that is not a good thing. So I take this time to write myself a check. “Get yourself together”!

How is it that you can have a prefect date that last two days and not get a call? What the fuck is that? I mean damn. I have to laugh to myself at times because thank God I am not an easy lay then I would really be feeling that dog do. I know that this will past and I will be even stronger for it I am a strong man and so I tell myself, “Man UP!”

I will forget this tomorrow I will awake a new man.

LOOK

2006-04-04T00:03:00.000-04:00

Look dizzily over the edge

Eyes cloud with tears

Skin as cold as an iced corpse wet with uncertainness and restlessness.

Curse the souls that tore my heart in pieces and scattered it to the winds.

Curse the sun for shining happily while my being still resides in night.

Curse the moon for being full while the only fullness I know is full of hurt and silent uneasy twisting pain.

The winds of indifference blows steadily at my back pushing me forward

Look over the edge and see peace

See rest

See forever

But I shall not jump and give the heart wounder satisfaction

NO!

I will only look then when my looking is done and self pity washed away

I will step from the edge of my self-destruction and be victorious.

LOOK!

When you know it!

2006-03-30T00:01:00.000-05:00

Today is photo blog day for me. Just wanted to show the rest of the pictures

Between

2006-03-28T08:05:00.000-05:00

Have you ever been caught between?

Emotions lean head with heart in so much pain.

The games of intimacy and the height of ecstasy leaving you in a state of misery

Longing to be free

I’m in between and I allowed myself to be wrenched in many directions

Oh how my heart longs for the youthful days before I knew the hidden secrets of my body.

When I was innocent and the world’s colors where dull and flat and all the shades of blue were as one to my undiscerning eyes.

In between two kisses

In between two different taste of pleasure

In between lust and wanting

In between heaven and hell

I wish I was a seashell let the only taste I know be that of salt

Let the only touch I feel be that of the sea as she run her soothing ripples of endless purifying water over me.

I am in between passions where logic is long forgotten with pride.

In between the desires for an arm to hold me tight until I see the sun light at the window’s glass.

I wish I was a happy thought something everyone could enjoy and when I was elapsed let the remnants be of peace but I am between and I need an arm to pull me to one side or the other.

Grown and Sexy 2

2006-03-26T23:54:00.000-05:00

I listened to that sound again and man I love it. So today is grown and sexy 2. I will make this a short entry. I will most some more photos later on i think. Hope all had a great weekend

Azaming

2006-03-23T00:09:00.000-05:00

cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Manikin

2006-03-22T08:26:00.000-05:00

I sit in envy of your timeless and expressionless face.

Body beautiful with a sly womanly smile as if in mock of thy own creator

You shall not see corruption as we; you stand changeless a fixture of conceptional beauty and grace.

Your curves are heavenly and mathematically inspired.

Your hair is the color of fresh cut maple wood

Your lips as rip as plums at the height of fall late harvest

Your eyes as dark as a moonless night in early spring

You look at me with lifeless expression and smile at my imperfection chin in air and your nose even higher but I can not help but I stare in envy of pure admiration.

To be forever young as you

Manikin

Kiss

2006-03-21T00:42:00.000-05:00

I dremt a dream I was lost in a wonderland and your lips were a mystery that I spent many a nights trying to solve with my kisses a sweet puzzle. -Stone

Grown And Sexy

2006-03-16T07:41:00.000-05:00

Some songs just make you feel so damn sexy; that is the feeling I am getting as I listen to Babyface’s, “Grown and Sexy”. The album is amazing. I am skeptical of getting it because I was like, “He is so like 1990’s but I was totally wrong”. I was delightfully surprise when I listened to it. I even found myself repeating the title track over and over again. Shoots if Mariah Carey can reinvent herself why not Babyface. From Anita Bake whose Album is great to Babyface within the last 12 months some greats have surfaced and I am loving it. I might be young but I love good music there is too many shit playing on the radio and finally it’s seems that strong lyrics is taking the lead over beats. So today I am feeling oh so Grown and Sexy go out and get the album it gets my seal of approval.

Beautiful Days

2006-03-12T17:09:00.000-05:00

Wow the city was so beautiful this weekend. Everyone was out on their bikes, rollerblades or walking. I could not let this weather pass me by without doing something outdoors myself. I went out for lunch with a special friend of mine the food was great and the company even better. I was introduced to a very nice BBQ restaurant on 125 street and 12 Ave called Dinosaur Bar-B-Que. The food was excellent I had a half a chicken and some rips with fries and Coleslaw it was so yummy. While eating I was like, “this is what I like about NYC”. I’ve been here for years now and never heard of this place New York City is a place of many surprise for sure. We spent the evening watching TV before we both just passed out. Today is a little rainy but I do not mind it one bit after those two days of heaven this is worth it. Okay the work week starts tomorrow. I begin a new job I am excited about it. It’s different and I really think I am going to enjoy it. I hope everyone has a great week and may it be productive and happy.

The GUARDIANS

2006-03-09T17:38:00.000-05:00

Who is protecting the children? Is a question I find myself asking over and over again in my head each and everyday. This question keeps tormenting me because it’s question that no one is asking. I know a story but the word story might imply that it’s a lie or fable but this story is so true. The children are living a very abuse home where the children are being raped, beating and murdered everyday. We here in the United State stands proud that we protect our children because we are the guardians of the future. Every once in awhile one child slips through the crack and we fail at our duties of protection and when it comes to light we do our best that it never happens again. Then the question pounds my head even louder. I hear the voice of the children calling out to me. They are hungry, they are fearful, they are abuse, use, and cased away. So the guardian came riding a huge white horse, valiantly with his sword unsheathed. He cuts the head off the parent of those children and vows to protect the children. He tells them, “no one will ever hurt you again and I am here to look after you”. We cheer because the evil parent is dead.
Then under the protection of the Guardians the children again begins to be killed, raped, and tortured. Who is protecting the children now? WE ARE THE GUARDIANS! Isn’t life value the same across the board? Why is it that we place a higher value on our own lives and indirectly devalue the lives of the ones we fought to protect? A life is a life whether it’s Guardians or the children. Its time to stop this rape, murder, torture and belittlement of life America we are the Guardians and Iraq is the Child under our protection. We can not leave the children in the mess we helped create but we should put all our might and values we hold so dear here into external practice. Who will save the children? Who?

Harlem

2006-03-06T22:33:00.000-05:00

New York City a place to discover so many hidden wonders and unexpecting joys you just need look. I've been finding myself in Harlem for the last few weekends. Spending a lot of time with one particular person who I really enjoy the company and conversations. So I might as well come clean right? We have been seeing each other a lot and you can say we are interested in one another. It’s nice to meet someone who caters to your every need and does in with so much glee. I've been finding Harlem rather interesting also the people are very different from the Bronx and the area is a little more mixed. Harlem is still the black stronghold of Manhattan but the other races are moving in and claiming a little bit of historical Harlem for themselves. Change may not always be viewed as good but change is the one thing we can be certain that is going to come. I find myself sitting at window over looking Edgecombe Ave watching the busy intersection and the many black faces going about their business and lives. I often wonderful how many people before me have sit at this every spot and watched the world go by and I can not help but think who will sit at this very spot when I am gone. Change oh change it sure does come nothing last forever. I wonder when the day will come when the black faces of Harlem will only be a memory and when these busy streets are as a ghost wind. So I sit here happy with the now; the new interest but I know that this too will change and I will be but a memory at best and this Harlem will be a legend of the once black faces that walked here.

The Death of Big Momma

2006-03-02T08:44:00.000-05:00

Never believe everything you read. Okay people I went to see, “Big Momma’s House 2”. Everyone was telling me how great the movie was and how funny it was; well it was NOT. I loved the first part it was hilarious the type of movie that makes you wanna pee. Part two was an immense disappointment. I was like, “what the hell is this shit”. It had no real story line and the jokes were so damn corny. So everyone who advised me to go and see it owes me money. Sometimes you need to know when to leave well and well enough alone.
Other than that I had a relaxing weekend. I spent most of it in bed, did a little cooking and watched some TV. I love the cold weather all it does it makes me want to sleep I was just upset that I bundled my cute self up and went out in all that cold to a shitty movie. LOL Okay I think I should let it go now.

On another note I have been listening to Leela James album it’s so tight. The girl has soul. Chris Brown album is good too for his first try; it has a few tracks that I am really feeling. Ne-Yo’s album is great too. Well I think rest of the day will be spent looking around the blog world to see what’s going on in everyone else’s lives. I love peeping in on the blogger something interesting is always going with them. Well people it March already the year is tricking away before you know it its gone so make the most of it.

Mommy's Day

2006-02-28T00:06:00.000-05:00

This is dedicated to my Mother, “the love of my life”. I just off the phone with her she is so

strong, so funny and so caring. I have a strange relationship with her. I slept in the same room

with her until I was fourteen. I still remember staying up late; her and I just talking about

everything. She is an amazing woman. I love her so much. So today is simple it’s “I LOVE

MOMMY DAY’. Also a reminder to myself not to take her for granted, cherish her while she is

here, honor and respect her every of my life.

A winner always

2006-02-23T16:41:00.000-05:00

Life and its damn pot holes when you think the road is smooth there comes one of unexpected bumps to shake you back into reality. Okay the pass two weeks has been so ruff for me. I’ve been working very long hours. Getting up at 4:00am to hit the gym then taking myself to work. This was going on for about two week and even on the days I could sleep in my body was still so use to getting up early I found myself stirring at drawn. Well keeping it real my phone was disconnected, “DAMN YOU SPRINT DAMN YOU”. I was feeling so isolated could not talk to my mother or my friends and I found myself slipping into one of those moods. I can not blame anyone it was my fault. If I kept on top of my shit this would not happened so its no one fault but my own. All that came to mind was that song “God bless the child that has his own”. You know sometimes the only person you can depend on is you. So I went out I hustled and put in some serious hours just to catch up on the bills. I was proud of myself seeing that when back into a corner I would not just fold up and die, no I was prepared to fight my way you. Life oh Life why do you toy with me? I realized that we can do it we just have to believe in ourselves and not being the victim and make what needs to happen; well happen. So today just got my phone turned back on and mind is racing already what do I do next all I know is that whatever it is I will win because I am a winner.

A Billion Pieces

2006-02-20T12:56:00.001-05:00

My love is a billion little pieces of memories unrepenting.

Filled with passion and loving making so unrelenting.

My memories are filled with the smell of your skin

My chest is familiar with stubbles in your chin

The way you look me in my eyes as you pull me in

And dear tell the world my love of you is a sin.

There is no sweeter feeling that your lips on my skin

More intoxicating than juice and two hundred proof gin.

I relive the instant you quaked your love for me aloud

It was a raining day in that moment I saw no clouds

You held me in your arms I smelled your cologne

So sweet the aroma I knew I’d found home

Feeling the ripples your tight lean body

As you took me to ecstasy higher anybody

So intense the experience as dream

No intense the climax I screamed you name

As I floated back down to earth

In the clouds I left all insecurities and hurts

I’d found the warrior that heart was meant

A love like this is not perversion; its heaven sent

Standing in the streets filled with complete strangers

I proclaim my love for you with out fear and no dangers

Something so pure and for many they toiled

To have something so real eludes most of the world

A billion little pieces of your essence in me

A billion little pieces of you so heavenly

On many nights I wake with teary eyes

Because in dream you were not there at my side

Rolling over in panic my chest rip with deadly fear

To see your silhouette gives calms to my cares

A billion little piece of heaven in your eyes

A billion little pleasures between yours tights

A billion ways you love me no soul can deny

A billion little death I would die if you’re not by my side.

NO DAMN VALENTINE

2006-02-14T17:32:00.000-05:00

YEAH; I'm Bitter I have no damn Valentine. Boo-whoo-boo-boo. So this is a short post to express my displeasure would someone marry me please.

LOL

Happy Valentines to all who have love and those who do not have love I love you.

Oprah Worship

2006-02-10T09:45:00.000-05:00

New City is the city of characters; I was sitting enjoying a cup of coffee with a friend of

me. He is Indian so this old white woman came into the Star Bucks wearing more jewels

than Elizabeth Taylor and they were real. Well she sat and soon butted her way into our

conversation. She talked about the evil of meat and how we should not be eating beef.

Well that went in one ear and out the other in fact when she spoke about not eating it I

got a strange craving for a nice big burger.

Then she changed the topic and to Oprah and how we should follow her example in

everything we do. She said we cannot see Jesus but we can see Oprah so we should

follower her. I am almost laughed in her face. She was telling us to worship Oprah so

maybe I should put together an Oprah Cult. We would be called the Harpo’s and the

highest Rank called “The Host”.

What is the world coming to when a white woman says forget Jesus and worship Oprah.
LOL.

Days of Yesterday revealed

2006-02-04T15:48:00.000-05:00

Some of the most inspirational things in my life come from the days of yesterday or yesteryear. Music that stirs the soul that makes the heart leap and words sang with such conviction that it makes a believer out of any doubter. Or an old movie that deals with love that makes believe just because it’s so raw. Also there are no gimmicks just someone professing their love for someone else. Songs like “You Send Me”, Aretha Franklin’s version, or Sam Cooke’s, “A change gone come”. These old songs that specks as fresh as new wound today; spilling their contents on our souls making our emotions unfold something so old still have such a powerful rip on our souls. My days of yesterday thinking back to my childhood; Running with my slippers to the neighbors’ house where she was cooking one of my favorites dishes and me so excited that she was making some for me. The quite summers claiming trees and eating until the taste was gone. I remember walking to the beach with a group of friends my brother and my cousin too. All of us in the nativity of youth thinking summer would last forever along with youth. No responsibilities at all just washing a few dishes and making sure we were clean. I can still smell the salty air while we fished from the dock and caught fishes that were no bigger than the palm of our hands but it was a thrill to have caught something. We were juvenile hunters of the land challenging the might sea to a fight. I remember the strong wings of the hurricanes and me like a chick under the mother’s hens wings how I cling to my mother. I can still smell her perfume and see her smiling down at me with her arms around me while I fell asleep in the safest place on earth; her bosoms. I remember my loving grandmother giving me a dollar every Sunday and falling asleep in church leaning on her shoulders. So today I reflect on days of yesterday and I invoke all the happiness and the memories’ that once was mine...

Here's a Quickie

2006-02-03T12:40:00.000-05:00

Well it’s the end of another week. I been a few events and worked out really hard. Okay I have a little cold and I’ve been under the weather. I need soup and a hug can someone send me both. I will make this a short post since I am going to lay my ass down. It’s rainy here today so I am going to take this time to just sleep. Oh here a picture of me from the party. It was my friend’s 30^th birthday dinner party.

Act like you paying for it

2006-01-31T00:26:00.000-05:00

When you pay for it you to appreciate it more; okay I went down into Manhattan to help a girlfriend out with training at the gym. She was behind me to show her some stuff at the gym, well I went to do just that. Everything I suggested she didn’t want to do that really pissed me off. All that came to mind was if she was paying for a trainer she would do just what she/he said. This is a phenomenon with most things you do not have to pay for you just do not appreciate it. Another example; a friend asked me to help out with a project. I go out of my way to do it to make sure it’s a success for him but the fucker is late and I mean late. Anyone who knows me knows I go crazy when it comes to being on time. Some people go crazy over wire hangers I go crazy over punctuality. I cuss dude out and storm off and it came to mind if he was paying for it he would act differently. Do not get me wrong I am not saying I want payment but I want you to act like you are paying for it. I want you to give me your best and I want you to show up on time damn it! I try to treat my friendship as a job that I am working for a promotion. I give it my best. I try to return calls in a speedy manner and I let them know I love them and I appreciate them. We all take someone for granted if you know who that person is call them and tell how much you love and appreciate them. I know I will be making a call today.

BY THE WAY THIS IS MY 100^TH Entry!!!! AYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love me.

2006-01-29T03:33:00.000-05:00

If no one else loves you love yourself. I love me.

Well I am on new diet. It’s a low sugar diet it’s driving me a little crazy but I like the results. So here are new photos I just took.

Banging on Doors

2006-01-25T00:16:00.000-05:00

The Hunt is on. For the past few days I’ve been out looking for part-time work something to hold me over until I start my real job in a few short months. Man it’s been hard but I am out there handing out resumes like Michael Jackson hands out candies at his sleepovers. I’ve been uptown, downtown and around town. The hunt is on and I do not feel discourage I know what is out there for me and I will get it, that is for sure. I’ve been meeting some interesting people who like myself are on that quest for work. I am knocking on so many doors someone will open up soon until then I knock and I smile. I’ve been meeting some funny people out there too and some cuties have mercy!! I just got into the house was gone since 2pm now its after 12am. This job hunting is giving me a reason to be out the house I tell you that much and I like dressing up looking all cute and shit and smell real good. Well yall pray for me that find something so I do not have sell my goodies. LOL Well its off for a late night snack then hitting the bed until I start the grind all over again tomorrow.

Eyes on Prize

2006-01-19T09:33:00.000-05:00

So its morning went to bed somewhat early last night. I got a lot of writing done. I am working on my first big project which is a Fantasy novel. I’ve been writing it now for like two years but anything good takes time. I love poetry but I really love story telling. It’s something new fresh full of magic, love, adventure and a little funny too. I’ve been really working hard on it. I had to bring myself to the point where distraction was not an option anymore. It seems the more you try to do good the more calls you get the more emails have to be answered. It’s like there is a well organized plot to take your eyes off the prize. This is what happens when you try to move up in life; so many things of unimportance try to pull you right back if not under but to a state of distraction. I know I am not the only one that sees this pattern in their lives. So I am making it a point to be more focus on what needs to be done. Work then fun I will do more typing than talking. I have to maintain the path and do what I have to do to survive.

Powerful Quote

2006-01-16T13:31:00.000-05:00

This Quote took me there today had to share it. READ IT, DIGEST IT, LIVE IT PEOPLE. THIS IS Just Powerful.

"I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it for I shall not pass this way again." -Etienne de Grellet

Killing me Salting

2006-01-14T22:47:00.000-05:00

While riding the train home tonight I noticed a rather nicely dressed black woman. She was in her mid-fifties from the looks of her. Girlfriend was dressed to kill. I watched her for awhile something I do a lot to strangers but she didn’t take notice of me. She was carrying a white supermarket plastic bag which she reached into and pulled out a box of Ramen Noodles. I was in a state of shock all that came to mine was she was “Killing herself Softly” or should I say “Killing herself Salty”. You know Romen Noodle is so ghetto. So do not front. Man color folks sure do love those Romen Noodles but do you know eating one of those quickie killer contain about 1600mg of Sodium and it is recommended that we only consume less than 2,400 mg per day of sodium. Now that is just one sitting. No wonder so many of us are walking around with hypertension. Then she took out a folk then I almost died I thought she was about to open it up and eat it right there and then but she didn’t. I think I would have passed out laughing if she did. I know it’s a cheap meal I use to eat them too but when I read what was in it I realize that we are killing ourselves by eating all that shit. I know all the colored folks have had them some Romen Noodles so do not front I bet half of you have some in your cupboards right now. So all I am saying is please, please, please people lets get away from that. Anyway gonna get me some noodles now damn I hungry. Joke!!

You're Not Alone

2006-01-11T00:23:00.000-05:00

When you think you are alone in situation; you know what? You’re not. Too many times we take the position of feeling sorry for ourselves. We think that this is the worst thing that ever happened to anyone in the history of the world. But you know what? Its not. I went to dinner with a coworker from my part-time job tonight Julie. We went for Thai food which is one of my favorites. We sat and talked for 3 hours it was wonderful. I was reluctant a little bit of gong out with her because I sort of felt she had a crust on me but I was glad I did. We both opened up about what was going in each others lives. It’s so funny we were and are going through the same things. I think God sometimes allows people to come in your life to let you know, “hey you are not alone so stop bitching like you are”. When you think you have it bad someone else has it worse. But this is 2006 a year of bigger and better things. We talked about relationships or the lack there of and I found out too she was in place like me waiting for that special someone and feeling a little lonely while waiting. I totally related to her. At the end of the night worked to Washington Square it was nice stroll. She is a very beautiful girl chocolate skin and the brightest eyes I have ever seen that just lights up when she smiles. Fate is so funny in a different time or place maybe.

I sense a change for both of us soon good things on the way